He set the extra pint down without asking. Still sweating on the beer mat, a wet ring already forming, the sort of glass that arrives when someone has decided you are staying for another. I said thanks. Then I spent forty minutes deciding what it meant, which is a poor use of a person sitting across from you.

Signs they want to sleep with you do not live in one round. I have gone home with a man who was being generous, and I have gone home alone while a man who actually wanted me was being careful. Same shape of night. Different reading. I want two or three clues that agree with each other now. Then I ask.

The TikTok list is pupils and hair-twirling and whether they drank from the same spot on the glass. Adults are messier. Flirting can fill an evening and still not be a bid for bed. Wanting sex has a later in it. If the drink is doing the talking, nobody is inviting anyone back. Wait until a no would still be audible. Then look at the stack.

Signs they want to sleep with you: touch, time, and tone

1. They stay after the easy exit

After last orders I watched a man sit back down on a stool that was already being upended onto a table, coat on his knees, asking one more thing about a story I had finished. He could have left. He was delaying the pavement. That is information. So is the person already zipping up while you are mid-sentence.

2. A second touch that did not need a job

The first touch often has an excuse. A sleeve when they squeeze past to the bar. Pointing at a photo on your phone. I do not trust that one on its own. The second is the tell: the back of a knuckle on the inside of my wrist, mid-sentence, then taken away so I could put it back if I wanted. A hand that arrives and stays without watching your face is one I have stepped away from. Some people will want you and still not want to be touched in a pub.

3. The voice that arrives when the group thins

I have been funny for a table and felt nothing. The useful change is what happens when it is two of you by the door. He had been loud about a film. By the coats he was almost muttering, as if the sentence had got private without anyone agreeing it. Tone is a poor single clue. Stacked with staying, or with a later, it starts to count.

4. Questions with a later in them

"What do you do" is manners. "How late can you be out" is a map. So is "how far is yours," asked like weather, and "are you around after this," said without a joke to hide in.

I used to answer those as if they were chat, then wonder why I was surprised on a sofa. If someone is building an after, they are not only being pleasant. You can still say you have an early morning.

5. They close the gap and wait

On a pavement he shortened his stride so I was not half a step ahead. I used to keep marching and then replay the night as if he had failed to grab me. He had given me a gap. I had filled it with pavement. A shorter stride is a body asking a question. Going stiff, or putting more pavement between you, is often a no. You tell those apart by whether they try again once you have room, or start looking for a taxi.

6. They go a bit useless

He lost his place in a story I had already heard the start of. I read boredom. It was the opposite. He was trying not to look at my mouth and the plot fell out of his head. A dropped sentence, a laugh that arrives too early, a person who has become slightly worse at being smooth: I like that one. Smooth is cheap.

Texts that go late on purpose

7. A late message that is not logistics

"You get home ok" is care, or habit. I have sent it to people I did not want to sleep with. The other kind arrives after the night has a natural end. 00:20, no question about my route, just "I am still thinking about your terrible theory about that song." Flirting over text can do this without being a sext. Logistics end. Wanting finds a pretext.

8. They will not let goodnight be the end

A clean goodnight is allowed. What I notice is the person who offers a next before the first night has landed. Not "we should do this again sometime." "Saturday, that bar with the terrible lamps, if you are free." I have kept a thread alive out of manners and then been irritated when they treated it as heat. Know which job you are doing. Do not award a sex life to a person who is only being consistent.

The invite back

9. They name a door

"Come in for a bit." Keys already in the lock. A sentence, not a look you are meant to translate.

I treated a plain invite as him being polite, once, because nobody wanted to be the one who had assumed. He meant the door. I went home proud of my restraint, which is a useless trophy. These days I take the sentence at face value and still check once we are inside. If it is only tonight, say so before anyone starts looking for a towel. Casual sex still needs that line.

10. They talk as if morning might include you

"I have coffee that is not instant." "I do not have to be anywhere until ten." Said before anyone has sat down, that is not a grocery note. I have also heard the morning mentioned as pressure. Stay. It will be weird if you go. That is not a sign they want you. Wanting you includes a taxi number if you would rather leave.

11. They check, even badly

"I keep hoping this is heading to bed, and I would rather be embarrassed than assume." I have been on the receiving end of that sentence. It was clumsy. It was also the clearest sign in the room.

A check is how you know they want you and they want you to want it. Undoing something without a sentence is not confidence. Making the first move is a bid with an exit. Ask. Wait. If the night becomes a first time in a new bed, first time sex with a new partner is a different job. This piece only gets you to the threshold.

Four that are just being nice

I retired these as proof. They still feel like proof when I want them to.

1. A drink they would have bought the person next to you

A bought drink is manners until it arrives with staying, a later, and a door.

2. The walk to the stop, the offer of a lift

I have walked beside a man who was being decent, replayed his elbow as a prelude, and then received a hug you would give a cousin. A lift home is care. If they wait until you are inside, and then leave, believe the leaving.

3. A compliment that would work on the whole table

"You look well." A kind word about a coat. I have taken group warmth personally and then been confused when it did not survive the pavement. If the compliment could be moved to the next chair without editing, it is manners.

4. Remembering oat milk, saving a seat

He saved me a seat. He remembered oat milk. I replayed it for a week, in my mid-twenties, as if filing systems were erotic. Some people are good at rooms.

Ask, if it matters

A stack of signs is not consent. It is a reason to use a sentence.

"Do you want to come back." "I want to sleep with you. You can say no." I have waited for telepathy and called it chemistry. Chemistry is easier when somebody speaks.

The night I still wince at, I talked someone into coming back because they had been kind in a queue.

If you get a maybe, treat it as a not-yet. Do not solve it by getting closer. I have done the solving. It made me the person who needed a yes more than I needed them to mean it.

Whether they are attracted to you is wider than whether they want sex tonight. Someone can fancy you and still have an early start, a flatmate, a mood. If it matters, ask about tonight.

FAQ

How do you know if someone wants to sleep with you?

You do not know from one look. You look for a stack: they stay, they find a later, they close a gap, they name a door or they check. Then you still ask. You know they want sex when they keep choosing you after they could have chosen ease, and they leave you a way to say no.

Do mixed signals mean no?

They mean not yet. Mixed is unsure, or polite, or interested and scared. I do not treat it as a puzzle I can win by being more charming. If they want you, they can make one signal less mixed. Your job is not to decode them into a yes they have not offered.

What if I get it wrong?

You stop. You apologise once, without a speech that makes them manage your embarrassment. I have been sure. I was wrong. The repair is smaller than the story you want to tell about it. If they are kind about it, do not use the kindness as a second opening.

Is inviting someone in a sign?

It can be. It can also be tea, a loo, a charger, a person who hates saying goodbye on a doorstep. Once you are inside, check what the night is. "Are we having a drink, or are we going to bed." It sounds blunt in a hallway. It has saved me a night I had already written.

I still misread people. I just stop earlier, and I use a sentence when the stack is there and I still want a yes I can hear.